“We Need to Talk”: How Women Physicians Can Stay in Control During Surprise Meetings at Work
January 21, 2026
You’re not imagining it — these surprise meetings with leadership are rarely “just a quick chat.”
When an unexpected meeting shows up on your calendar with no clear agenda, it’s almost never good. And for women physicians, these meetings often mark the start of something bigger: performance accusations, forced leave, sham peer review, or subtle efforts to push you out without ever saying it directly.
This isn’t about paranoia — it’s about patterns. And once you understand how these meetings are used, you can stop walking in unprepared.
Here’s how to recognize the signs, protect yourself, and respond strategically — even if the invite’s already sitting in your inbox.
Step One: Get Clear on What You’re Walking Into
If you receive a meeting invite without a clear agenda or explanation, you’re allowed to ask questions.
Start with:
“Can you share the purpose of this meeting?”
“Is there an agenda available?”
“Who else will be attending?”
These aren’t confrontational — they’re reasonable. And they give you time to emotionally and strategically prepare. The more vague the invite, the more essential it is that you gather information in advance.
Bring Support If You Can (And Know Who’ll Be in the Room)
A closed-door meeting with multiple leaders and no witness? That’s not a conversation — it’s positioning.
If you’re allowed to bring someone — an HR rep, a peer advocate, or even a trusted colleague — do it. Their presence alone can shift the dynamic and keep the energy more professional.
At the very least, find out who they plan to bring. If it's more than one person, that tells you a lot about what you're walking into.
Review Your Contract and Policies Before the Meeting
If there's even a chance this meeting could involve disciplinary action, probation, or forced leave, you need to know your rights.
Most physicians don’t have time (or energy) to comb through 80+ pages of legalese. That’s why I recommend using an AI tool like NotebookLM to help you summarize key parts of your contract or employee handbook.
Focus on:
Termination policies
Probation protocols
Required documentation
Your rights to representation or appeal
Don’t walk in assuming they’ll follow the rules. Know what the rules are — and be ready to cite them if needed.
Recordings, Consent, and Knowing Your Rights
Let’s be honest: some of these meetings get messy.
If you’re in a one-party consent state, you may legally be allowed to record the meeting without informing anyone. In two-party consent states (like California), it’s illegal to record without permission.
But legal or not, the question is: do you want a record?
Sometimes the value of a recording isn’t legal — it’s clarity. It’s having proof of what was said, especially if leadership later tries to change their version of events.
Check your local laws, and then decide what kind of backup you want to have. Either way, take notes — real-time or immediately afterward.
The #1 Rule: Don’t Sign Anything in the Room
One of the most common — and harmful — things I’ve seen happen to physician moms is being pressured to sign paperwork on the spot.
Don’t.
You are not obligated to agree to anything, sign anything, or make a decision in the moment — no matter how forceful they get.
If they present you with a document:
Take it with you.
Let them know you’ll review it.
Follow up after getting support (legal or strategic).
If they push hard for an immediate signature, that’s your red flag.
Control What You Can — Especially Your Response
It’s normal to feel triggered, panicked, or caught off guard. But remember: the person asking the questions is usually the one controlling the conversation.
Flip the script.
Start the meeting by asking them:
“What is the purpose of this meeting?”
“What’s the intended outcome?”
“What concerns are being brought forward?”
This positions you as a participant, not a passive recipient. It also gives you a clearer understanding of what they’re really trying to do.
Whether you’re in private practice, academic medicine, or a large hospital system — these meetings are increasingly common. One wrong email. One colleague’s complaint. One busy month of charting — and suddenly, you’re “under review.”
And for physician moms, the pressure gets even heavier. You’re expected to be constantly available, constantly accommodating, and somehow immune to the impact of it all.
But you have options. You have rights. And you deserve to walk into that room prepared — not panicked.
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