Meghan or Mindy? Why You Don’t Need to Defend the Kind of Mom You Are

April 30, 2025

Two Women. Two Approaches. Both Valid.

Watching With Love, Meghan on Netflix, I didn’t expect to walk away with a full-circle reflection on motherhood, identity, joy, and judgment.

But that’s exactly what happened.

There’s a moment between Meghan Duchess of Sussex and Mindy Kaling that stuck with me. Meghan is all-in: cooking, feeding her crew, talking about nurturing through food. You can tell it brings her joy.
Mindy? She’s smiling politely and flat out says, “The person I pay does this stuff.”

And I thought — yes. THIS is the conversation we’re not having out loud enough.

You can be a Meghan.
You can be a Mindy.
And you’re still doing motherhood right.

What I Loved About That Moment

Mindy didn’t try to pretend.
She didn’t say, “Maybe one day.”
She didn’t add, “But I do love baking from scratch with my kids!”
She just said, “Yeah, no. I pay someone for that.”

That kind of self-assurance — especially from a public figure — is rare. And so necessary.

Because how many Physician moms are out here doing everything, not because they want to, but because they feel like they should?

Decorating, cooking, coordinating every holiday and birthday party — not out of joy, but out of guilt.

Guilt that says:
“If I don’t do it all, I’m failing.”
“If I pay someone to help, I’m not present.”
“If I don’t love it, what does that say about me?”

You Don’t Have to Perform Joy to Prove You Love Your Kids

Meghan clearly enjoys what she’s doing in that kitchen. You can tell it fills her up. And that’s beautiful. That’s how it should be — when you love something, you do it.

But here’s where we have to be careful:
When someone’s joy starts to be presented as the right way, that’s when it slides into quiet mom-shaming.

You can love cooking. Or you can love paying someone else to cook.
You can enjoy crafting. Or you can click “add to cart” and move on with your life.
You can throw the party. Or you can show up after someone else sets it up.

All of it counts.
All of it is motherhood.

Even Joy Requires Breathing Room

There was another powerful moment in that episode — one that reminded me why I talk so much about support and outsourcing.

Because even if you do love the cooking, the planning, the crafting... if you’re overleveraged and burned out, even your love language will start to feel like a burden.

Joy requires room.
Presence requires breath.
And if everything feels like “just one more thing,” you’re not going to enjoy any of it — no matter how much you love your kids.

That’s not a flaw. That’s your nervous system.

Identity Deserves Respect — Including Yours

There’s a moment when Meghan gently corrects Mindy for calling her “Meghan Markle.” She says something like, “It’s Sussex now.” And she explains why it’s important to her — because she wants to share the same last name as her children.

It was warm. Confident. Clear.
And I LOVED it.

Because so many women — especially Physician moms — are used to shrinking their titles, softening their boundaries, or laughing it off when someone gets it wrong.

You deserve to be called by your name.
You deserve to be known by the identity you’ve chosen.
And that includes how you show up as a mother — even if it doesn’t look like what’s trending.

If You’re a Meghan — Make the Space for It

If cooking, decorating, and hosting lights you up — do it.
Give yourself the time, the space, the support to do it well.

Not from guilt, but from joy.

Let that be your love language. Let it be your gift.

And if you’re overwhelmed right now, but you wish you had the space for it? That’s okay, too. Start by getting help in other places so that joy doesn’t have to compete with burnout.

If You’re a Mindy — Stand On It

And if you’re like, “No thank you. I’ll pass. I’ll pay.”
Beautiful. Stand on that. Don’t apologize for it.

You don’t owe anyone a performance.
You don’t have to fake a soft life you don’t actually want.

Outsourcing is not a cop-out.
It’s how we preserve joy for the things that actually matter to us.

Motherhood Is Not a Monolith

There is no one right way to mother.

There’s only the version that feels honest, aligned, and sustainable for you.

You can roast the tomatoes or order takeout.
You can bake the cupcakes or Venmo the bakery.
You can decorate the party or pay someone else to handle it.

What matters is that you’re clear about who you are — and that you stop explaining it to people who were never going to understand anyway.

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