Why Traveling With an Au Pair Can Either Save Your Vacation or Ruin It
May 13, 2026
I have noticed something interesting in au pair groups online.
Every single week, somebody is either:
raving about how amazing it was to travel with their au pair
or swearing they will never do it again
Very little in between.
And honestly, I understand both experiences.
Because traveling with an au pair can be incredible when everybody is aligned. But when expectations are vague and nobody says what they actually want? That is when the resentment starts creeping in.
I think many families get into trouble because they try so hard to make everything feel relaxed and informal that they avoid necessary conversations.
Then halfway through the trip:
the host parents feel unsupported
the au pair feels blindsided
everybody is annoyed
and now the “vacation” feels stressful
Most of this can be avoided with honesty upfront.
Family Trip or Actual Vacation?
I think parents of young children need to be honest with themselves first.
Are you taking a vacation?
Or are you taking a trip with children?
Because those are not the same thing.
A true vacation usually involves rest. Maybe sleeping in. Maybe uninterrupted meals. Maybe being able to sit down without somebody asking for a snack every three minutes.
That is hard to accomplish with small children unless you have help.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that.
I think sometimes parents feel guilty saying they want childcare on vacation, but honestly, that support can be the difference between coming home restored versus needing another vacation after the trip.
So if you truly want support, then be clear:
this is a work trip for the au pair.
Not in a harsh way. Just in a transparent way.
Clarity Prevents So Much Drama
One thing I have learned is that people do much better when they know what to expect.
If the au pair is expected to work every day, say that.
If the schedule will be flexible because of travel plans, say that too.
If you want certain periods of intentional family-only time, communicate that clearly instead of silently hoping they disappear for a few hours.
Nobody likes feeling confused about their role.
And honestly, many of the complaints I see online sound less like “bad au pair behavior” and more like two people operating from completely different assumptions.
I also think physician moms especially are prone to overfunctioning here. We are used to smoothing things over, adapting quietly, and carrying the mental load ourselves instead of addressing issues directly.
But vague expectations create unnecessary tension for everyone involved.
You Do Not Have to Bring Your Au Pair Everywhere
This is probably the part people feel most awkward admitting.
You are allowed to leave your au pair home.
Truly.
Not every family trip requires them to come. Not every vacation needs to become a shared experience. And it does not make you a bad host parent if you decide a particular trip works better without additional childcare or additional logistics.
Sometimes taking an au pair makes complete sense:
conferences
international travel
long travel days
vacations where you genuinely want childcare support
And sometimes it does not.
I think problems happen when families bring an au pair out of guilt or obligation instead of intentionally deciding whether it makes sense for that specific trip.
Travel compatibility matters more than people realize.
Some people want constant group activities. Some want independence. Some are adventurous travelers. Some prefer quiet downtime. None of those are wrong, but they do affect the dynamic.
The Airplane Change That Saved My Sanity
One of the best decisions we made was changing our airplane seating arrangement.
I used to sit directly with my children while the au pair sat nearby. And somehow I was still doing all the work while she relaxed, watched movies, or slept.
Meanwhile I was:
handling snacks
bathroom trips
entertainment
emotional meltdowns
tangled headphones
all the chaos that comes with traveling with children
At some point I realized:
this makes absolutely no sense.
Now the au pair sits with the children and I sit in the row behind them.
It is glorious.
I can work, sleep, decompress, or simply exist quietly for a few hours while somebody else handles the logistics. And because expectations are discussed beforehand, nobody is confused or resentful about it.
Respecting Their Time Matters Too
I think it is important to say this part too: if you expect professionalism from your au pair, you should also treat them professionally.
That means:
respecting work hours
planning schedules thoughtfully
giving them proper downtime
communicating changes clearly
When we travel somewhere new, I intentionally give our au pair dedicated time to go explore without us. I think that freedom matters, especially when somebody is traveling internationally with your family and spending extended time in work mode.
And honestly, those breaks help everybody.
The au pair gets independence and personal time, and we get intentional family time with our children.
The Goal Is Not Performance
I think sometimes people get caught up trying to create this perfect image of “one big happy family” instead of focusing on what actually makes the trip enjoyable for everyone involved.
You do not have to pretend boundaries do not exist.
You do not have to force constant togetherness.
You do not have to silently tolerate frustration because you are afraid of sounding too employer-like.
Clear communication is not cold.
Boundaries are not mean.
Structure is not hostility.
In many ways, it is the opposite.
It creates a situation where everybody can relax because everybody understands what is happening.
And honestly, that is what makes travel enjoyable in the first place.
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