When the Load Feels Too Heavy — and He’s Right There Watching
June 04, 2025
There was a moment — early postpartum, newborn in my arms — where I realized I was furious.
Not because anything catastrophic had happened.
But because my husband was right there... and still, I felt completely alone.
He wasn’t doing anything “wrong” exactly.
He just wasn’t doing it how I thought it should be done.
And instead of saying what I needed, I sighed. I corrected. I judged. I pulled away.
He shut down.
And that wall stayed up for two and a half years.
Here’s what I know now:
Our issue wasn’t the bottles.
It wasn’t the bedtime routine.
It was expectations — mine, his, and all the ones neither of us ever said out loud.
What No One Told Me About the Mental Load
As physician moms, we’re trained to manage — everything.
The logistics, the emotions, the outcomes.
We see the whole chessboard and move the pieces before anyone else even notices the game.
But in marriage, those same skills can create tension.
We expect him to anticipate like we do.
To just know what needs to be done.
And when he doesn’t, it feels like he doesn’t care.
But here’s the hard truth:
Most men were never taught the things we were expected to absorb.
Not about babies.
Not about emotional labor.
Not about shared mental load.
And when you realize that, you have a choice to make.
You can stay in the resentment.
Or you can start the conversation.
The Turning Point
Our turning point didn’t come from a perfect script.
It came after my second baby, during a full-on postpartum crash.
I had nothing left to give, and everything I’d kept in came out — loudly.
It wasn’t elegant.
But it was honest.
And for the first time, he could hear me.
Because I wasn’t hinting.
I wasn’t testing.
I was just... saying it out loud.
That’s when things started to shift.
What I Want You to Know
✅ Saying it once — especially mid-argument — isn’t enough to undo years of socialization.
✅ That doesn’t make you wrong. It makes you human.
✅ You can be direct and respectful. Honest and loving.
✅ Growth takes time — but it’s worth it.
This week’s episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers dives into this exact moment in my marriage — and how you can start making space for the conversations that feel hard but matter most.
Inside the episode, I talk about:
Why your “maternal instinct” might be a myth
How to talk about parenting without sounding like a drill sergeant
The one question that helped me open the door to real partnership
If you’re doing too much — and still feeling alone — you are not broken.
And it’s not too late to shift this.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here.
Or find it on your favorite podcast platform.
