This Holiday Season Gets to Include You, Too
November 26, 2025
Every year around this time, something predictable happens. The holidays roll in, and physician moms everywhere start planning, managing, organizing, cooking, wrapping, hosting, smoothing, and softening the season for everyone else.
And somewhere in the middle of that, we disappear a little.
Not intentionally.
Not dramatically.
Just quietly.
One small compromise at a time.
I’ve done it too — bending myself around the expectations of the season, trying to make things “special,” trying to keep the peace, dropping hints about what I’d love while secretly hoping someone would surprise me in just the right way.
But here’s the truth I’ve had to learn:
The holidays don’t actually get easier when you shrink yourself.
They get heavier.
They get more resentful.
And they start to feel like a performance instead of a season.
This year, I’m doing something different — and I want you to do it with me.
Let Yourself Want What You Want
We’re so used to anticipating everyone else’s needs that when someone asks us, “Okay, what do YOU want?” it short-circuits our entire brain.
What do I want?
What would feel good?
What would make this season lighter instead of heavier?
It sounds simple, but it’s not.
Especially when most of our lives have been built on managing everyone else’s comfort and expectations.
But here’s the invitation:
You get to want things. Out loud. Clearly. Without guilt.
If you want quiet time, that’s valid.
If you want a specific gift, that’s valid.
If you want a holiday that doesn’t involve hosting, cooking, or pleasing 14 other people, that’s valid too.
Wanting things isn’t selfish.
It’s human.
Hinting Is Exhausting — and Honestly, Ineffective
There’s something almost romantic about the idea of being surprised.
Like: “If they really know me… they’ll get it right.”
And surprise is beautiful — when it happens.
But building your whole holiday joy around someone else’s ability to guess correctly?
That’s a setup for disappointment.
Not because the people in your life don’t love you — they do.
But mind-reading has never been their spiritual gift.
Surprise is sweet.
But satisfaction?
That comes from clarity.
Nothing feels better than getting exactly what you asked for — the thing you actually wanted, not the thing they hoped you might like.
Permission to Speak Up (Yes, Even If Someone Doesn't Love It)
Here’s a truth that took me way too long to learn:
Somebody is going to be inconvenienced during the holidays. It doesn’t always need to be you.
If someone is going to be slightly annoyed, let it be the people who only have to be annoyed for five minutes — not the woman whose entire December hangs in the balance.
Your happiness matters.
Your comfort matters.
Your rest matters.
This season is not a test of how flexible or accommodating you can be.
It’s an opportunity to listen to your own desires and honor them.
Even if someone frowns.
Even if someone needs a moment to adjust.
Even if it’s different from how you’ve “always done it.”
You’re allowed to change the script.
Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish — It’s Generous
When you prioritize yourself, everyone gets the best version of you:
The rested you.
The steady you.
The present you.
The one who isn’t silently simmering with resentment because she spent the entire season doing things she didn’t want to do.
You’re not taking anything away from your family when you care for yourself.
You’re giving them a woman who is rooted, refreshed, and honest about her needs.
That’s a gift.
A Holiday Season That Actually Includes You
So here’s the question I want you to ask yourself as the year winds down:
“What do I want?”
Not the idealized version.
Not the polite version.
Not the “I hope they pick up on this hint” version.
The real one.
And then — say it out loud.
Ask for it.
Choose it.
Claim it.
The holidays don’t magically get better when you disappear.
They get better when you show up — fully, honestly, and unapologetically.
This year, let the season include you too.
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