Let Him Be a Partner: Why Control Isn’t the Shortcut You Think It Is
June 18, 2025
The Problem Isn’t Always Him
You didn’t decide to carry it all but somehow, you always end up with the load.
You plan the meals.
You coordinate the daycare search.
You fix what he “messes up.”
And then you wonder why you’re drowning.
But what if you’re not just managing the home?
What if you’re managing him, too?
I know it’s not what you want to hear.
But in this house, we talk about radical responsibility, and that means looking at where we might be contributing to the imbalance.
When Perfectionism Becomes a Prison
Physician moms are praised for being exacting, detail-oriented, all-in.
Those traits got you here but they’re also what keep you from handing things off.
And when you operate from:
“I’ll just do it, it’s faster”
“He won’t do it right anyway”
“If I don’t fix it, it’ll stay broken”
…you stop being a partner and start being a project manager.
It’s not that he’s incapable.
It’s that you’re not letting him prove he’s not.
Control Masquerading as Love
Here’s the thing: micromanaging doesn’t always look harsh.
Sometimes, it looks like love.
It looks like: “I’ll take care of it.”
“I’ve got it.”
“No, you rest, I’ll just do it.”
But over time, that kind of caretaking starts to erode the foundation of partnership.
What he hears isn’t love.
It’s “I don’t trust you.”
It’s “You’re not capable.”
It’s “I’m the real parent here.”
And that message? It lands. Loudly. Even when it’s unspoken.
Done Is Better Than Perfect, Especially When It’s Not Done by You
Letting go doesn’t mean lowering your standards.
It means being honest about what you’re sacrificing in the name of control:
Your bandwidth
Your rest
Your connection
Your chance to be one of two, instead of everything to everyone
Sometimes, his version of “done” might be messier.
It might not be how you would’ve done it.
But it still counts.
And in more cases than we admit? It might even be better.
The Kids Are Watching
This isn’t just about your to-do list.
It’s about the message you’re modeling.
If your kids only ever see you taking the lead, fixing the mistakes, staying up late to clean what already got “cleaned” they learn that partnership is a myth. That moms carry it all. That dads try, and fail.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
One Thought to Try On
What if you’re not the only one who can do it right?
What if letting go is the very thing that builds the trust you’ve been waiting for?
Let him be a partner.
Let him rise.
