How I Find Great Au Pairs When the Apps Look Empty
June 10, 2026
When Did Finding an Au Pair Become So Hard?
I have had two different physician moms reach out to me recently asking the same question:
"Where are all the au pairs?"
Honestly?
I was wondering the same thing.
I'm currently searching for our next au pair, and every time I open one of the agency platforms, my reaction is somewhere between confusion and mild irritation. The candidate pools feel smaller. The options feel thinner. And after about twenty minutes of scrolling, I start questioning whether everyone collectively decided to become au pairs somewhere else.
The timing couldn't be worse.
I'm growing a new HVAC business. I'm coaching physician moms. I'm parenting. I'm attempting to maintain some semblance of a personal life.
I do not have time for this.
Thankfully, during our last search, I accidentally did something very smart.
I built a system.
And now that I'm using it again, I'm realizing how much stress it saves.
The Problem Isn't Usually the Au Pairs
The problem is the process.
Most people start searching before they're organized.
They open the app.
They scroll.
They favorite people.
They send a few messages.
Then three days later they can't remember:
Who they contacted
Who replied
Which agency someone belonged to
Whether they already scheduled a video call
Now they're repeating work and creating confusion.
Which is exhausting.
And physician moms already have enough exhausting things.
Before You Search, Build Your System
Before I contact a single au pair, I create a tracking system.
For me, that's a Notion database.
For you, it might be a spreadsheet.
I don't care what tool you use.
I care that you use one.
I track:
Name
Age
Agency
Contact information
Status of communication
Notes from conversations
Follow-up plans
Simple.
Nothing fancy.
Just enough information that I can immediately see where every candidate stands.
My Favorite Time-Saving Trick
I keep all my Facebook group links in the same database.
That sounds incredibly boring.
Because it is.
But it also works.
Here's why.
I try to spend as little time on Facebook as humanly possible.
The algorithm is undefeated.
I can log on intending to look for an au pair and somehow find myself watching videos about people renovating abandoned castles.
An hour later, I still don't have childcare.
So I save direct links to every au pair group I use.
One click.
In.
Search.
Out.
No unnecessary scrolling.
The Message That Saves Me Hours
The other thing I prepare in advance is my introductory message.
Not because I'm lazy.
Because repetition is unnecessary.
Every message includes:
A brief introduction
Where we live
A little about our family
A quick invitation to connect
Then I customize it as needed.
That's it.
No overthinking.
No rewriting the same paragraph twenty-seven times.
No staring at the screen wondering how to introduce myself to another candidate.
The goal is connection, not literary excellence.
The Hidden Benefit Nobody Talks About
What surprised me most during this search is how grateful I became.
The last time we searched, I had an executive assistant who handled much of the day-to-day coordination.
Now I'm doing it myself.
And let me tell you something.
That woman earned every penny.
It reminded me how much invisible work exists behind running a household, a business, and a childcare search.
Sometimes you don't fully appreciate a system until you're the one responsible for every step of it.
Support Creates Capacity
That's really what this conversation is about.
Not au pairs.
Not databases.
Not Facebook groups.
Capacity.
Physician moms spend so much time trying to hold everything together themselves.
Then we wonder why we're exhausted.
The goal isn't to become better at carrying everything.
The goal is to build systems and support that allow you to stop carrying so much.
Sometimes that support looks like coaching.
Sometimes it looks like an au pair.
Sometimes it looks like a spreadsheet that prevents you from losing your mind.
All are valid.
And all count.
Final Thought
If you're starting an au pair search, resist the urge to dive straight into the apps.
Take thirty minutes.
Build your system first.
Future-you will be extremely grateful.
Possibly grateful enough to brag about it.
And if you've ever searched for childcare while running a medical career and raising children, you know that's saying a lot.
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