The First 72 Hours: What Makes or Breaks the Au Pair Experience

July 23, 2025

I say this with full conviction: the first 72 hours after your au pair arrives will shape the rest of your year together.

It’s not about making a good impression.
It’s about laying a solid foundation for your sanity, for your kids’ safety, and for the kind of household culture you want to build.

And after multiple au pairs, I can tell you: those first 72 hours are where it all begins.

Welcoming Doesn’t Mean Performing

You don’t need balloons, a “Welcome!” banner, or a choreographed family dinner to set the tone. (Though hey, if your kid makes a sign and tapes it to the door, that’s pretty adorable.)

What matters is that your au pair feels like a person, not a transaction.

Exhausted from jet lag or overwhelmed from relocating, she’s likely walking into your home wondering, “Can I really do this?”

And your job  on day one isn’t to fix her schedule.
It’s to answer that question with a yes.

A quiet welcome basket.
A warm hello at the airport.
A safe space to rest without guilt.

That’s the beginning of trust.

Don’t Wait to Set the Tone

I always remind my au pairs early:
“You’re here for a year. There’s time. You don’t have to see and do everything today.”

But I also don’t pretend it’s a free-for-all.

That balance between hospitality and clarity  is key.
Because here’s the truth: once the work begins, the stakes get higher.

You need someone who knows your house, your routine, your values, not just where the forks go.

Which means the orientation starts early.
Not with a manual (yet), but with observation, conversation, and intentional presence.

Let them shadow you. Let them follow your lead.
And pay attention to what you notice, too.

Screening Shouldn’t Stop at Matching

One of the biggest mistakes I made early on?
Compromising on driving ability.

You can’t afford to wait three months to find out someone can’t safely take your child to school.

So if driving is essential for your childcare situation, treat it like it’s essential.
That means real practice. In real time. On real roads.

Take them to daycare. To the park. On the highway if that’s what they’ll need to do.

The sooner you know what they’re capable of, and what will need support, the better.

Set Expectations Out Loud (Not Just in a Handbook)

Handbooks are great. But most au pairs haven’t read every word.
And even if they have, cultural nuances can get lost in translation.

So we hold a real meeting. In-person. Everyone sitting down.

Not to scold or scare them.
But to set the stage.

Here’s how we do things.
Here’s what matters to us.
Here’s what won’t work.

Even small things matter here. Like speaking clearly, not whispering. Like how we do laundry. Like what “quiet time” really means in our house.

This isn’t micromanaging.
This is building the culture of your home on purpose.

Comfort Now Prevents Resentment Later

The things that irritate you early?
They’ll drive you mad if you don’t name them.

So many physician moms put off hard conversations in the name of “being nice” and end up resenting someone they live with and rely on every single day.

Don’t wait.

If something feels off, say it.
If something feels great, say that too.

This is your home. Your kids. Your peace.

Set it up so it works for you.

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