Before You Ask for Anything at Work, Do This First
December 10, 2025
There’s nothing more exhausting than asking for what you need at work and getting nothing but a vague nod or a “we’ll see.”
Especially when you’ve been carrying way more than your share — on the floor, at home, and everywhere in between.
If you’ve ever walked into a meeting with leadership hoping for clarity, and walked out feeling worse than when you started, you’re not alone.
I’ve been there. My clients have been there. And here’s the truth:
It’s not always about what you’re asking for.
It’s how you ask — and whether you’ve done the right kind of prep before the conversation even starts.
Most physicians are over-prepared clinically, but under-prepared politically.
No one taught us how to negotiate. Or how to write a strategic email. Or how to talk to leadership without sounding like we’re just venting.
So here’s the approach I use with my coaching clients when they’re getting ready to make a request:
1. Start with your intention, not your frustration.
Before you even think about what to say, ask yourself:
“What am I actually trying to get out of this?”
If your real goal is to feel heard and seen, that’s valid — but don’t disguise that as a schedule change request. You’ll end up disappointed and empty-handed.
Get honest about your goal.
What do you want to change?
What would a win actually look like?
2. Decide your ideal outcome — not what you think they’ll allow.
This is where most of us start shrinking.
We come up with what we think might get approved. We suggest changes that technically help… but leave us just as burned out.
Don’t do that.
Figure out your ideal outcome first.
Then decide what you’re willing to compromise on.
You can always scale down — but start from a place of clarity, not concession.
3. Know your audience. Like, really know them.
Is this leader empathetic? Checked out? All smiles and no follow-through?
That matters. So does your relationship with them.
Friendly is not the same as safe. And professional doesn’t mean cold.
Tailor your approach to the actual human in front of you — not the leader you wish you had.
4. Frame your ask as a win-win.
Every ask is a negotiation.
And a negotiation only works when both sides see a benefit.
That doesn’t mean you abandon what you need.
It means you get clear on how your request helps them, too.
For example:
“If I’m not doing nights, I can be in the office more, which means higher RVUs and fewer delays in patient care.”
It’s not manipulation. It’s strategy. And it works.
5. Keep your attention on one direction — not both.
It’s easy to start out talking about practice needs and end up knee-deep in your personal life.
And while your reality matters — your ailing parent, your kids’ drop-off schedule, your mental health — it may not move the needle with this particular leader.
Pick a focus. Keep it consistent.
Don’t dilute your ask by bouncing between your needs and theirs.
6. Talk to the decision-maker. Always.
Don’t spend 30 minutes crafting the perfect email just to hear,
“Thanks for sharing — you’ll need to bring this up with someone else.”
Before you put in the emotional labor, find out who actually holds the power to say yes.
Bottom line?
You don’t need to be more polite.
You need to be more prepared.
Getting what you want at work isn’t about begging for approval or coming with a long list of complaints. It’s about knowing your worth, knowing your audience, and making the ask in a way that lands.
You deserve support. You deserve clarity.
And you deserve leadership that takes your requests seriously — because they’re backed with strategy, not just stress.
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