Are You the Problem, Doc?

October 01, 2025

It’s not a fun question. But it’s one we need to ask: are we sometimes part of the very problem we’re fighting against?

Not because we don’t care. Not because we don’t want change. But because of the rules we’ve inherited — rules about how women “should” act in medicine. Rules about what’s “professional.” Rules about money we’re told never to discuss.

And whether we realize it or not, those rules shape how we treat each other.

Why This Matters

I’ve seen it happen:

• A woman asks for more, and we roll our eyes.

• A colleague negotiates her contract, and we whisper it’s “too much.”

• Salaries come up, and we shut it down because “we don’t talk about that.”

Each of these moments might feel small, but together? They reinforce the very systems that keep women physicians underpaid, undervalued, and overworked.

Why We Call It “Unprofessional”

One of the most damaging beliefs we’ve absorbed is that asking for more is somehow unprofessional. That if you negotiate too much, speak up too soon, or advocate for yourself, you’ll look “difficult.”

But what does that belief really do?

👉 It keeps women from asking for what they need.

👉 It reinforces silence.

👉 It protects the system, not you.

Professionalism should never be code for silence or self-sacrifice. Asking for what you need isn’t a liability — it’s leadership.

Three Things to Start Doing Differently

1️⃣ Notice your reflexes.

When another woman asks for more — a raise, time off, support — what’s your gut reaction? Is it admiration, or is it irritation? That discomfort is a signal of learned behavior that might need unlearning.

2️⃣ Normalize negotiation.

Asking isn’t entitlement. Negotiation isn’t unprofessional. Employers expect it — and you deserve it. The worst they can say is no.

3️⃣ Talk about money.

Silence around pay only benefits employers. Share your numbers. Compare notes. Transparency creates leverage for all of us.

Shifting From Criticism to Curiosity

When another woman negotiates or brings up pay, our first reflex might be irritation or judgment. That reaction doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

But here’s the opportunity: instead of shutting her down, pause and get curious.

• Why do I feel this way?

• Who taught me that asking is wrong?

• Who benefits when women stay quiet?

Curiosity opens the door to change — in ourselves and in our culture.

Doc, accountability starts with us. The rules we inherited don’t have to be the rules we keep passing down.

Ask. Negotiate. Speak openly. And when another woman does the same, stand with her.

Because that’s how we begin to rewrite the culture of medicine — one unapologetic ask at a time.

Don’t miss an episode!

Follow the podcast on Buzzsprout, Apple Podcasts and Spotify.